“Feel the Fear, and do it anyway”

 

“Feel the Fear, and do it anyway”

 

Fear is a funny thing, we often separate fears into irrational and rational categories. A fear of bugs, probably an irrational one, a fear of walking alone at night, maybe unfortunately, more rational. But as we all know, it’s far more complex than that. Fear can come in many shapes or forms, it can be big or small, it can be visible or hidden, and it can manifest itself in a multitude of physical and psychological symptoms. Its seeds can be deeply rooted in trauma, or planted at a susceptibly early age by a flippant comment from a well-meaning parent. But one thing that is universal about fear, is once it takes root it can be incredibly hard to overcome.

I came across the Love Her Wild Outdoor Academy at the beginning of this year. I was already a member of a few of the outdoor Facebook groups, but as is all too common I was a lurker. Enviously watching other’s exciting adventures climbing the three peaks in 24 hours, or camping up Ben Nevis in the depths of January. As an outdoor beginner, I didn’t know where to start. My navigational skills left a lot to the imagination, and the idea of even camping in a campsite, seemed a distant goal. Living in London, I also felt quite removed from the outdoors and don’t really know many people with a similar desire to go on outdoor adventures. I’ve also struggled a lot with anxiety and depression and have desperately wanted to get outdoors more to reap the benefits it can bring to your mental health, but being held back by said mental health issues...

The Outdoor Academy would be a weekend for beginners such as myself, to learn the basics and gain confidence to begin our journey in the great outdoors. So I completed the application and forgot about it. About a month later I got a call to say I’d been accepted as 1 of 15 out of roughly 350 applications. The excitement, but also the fear…

All too often fear is simply fear of the unknown. A fear of what might happen however likely or unlikely. Will I embarrass myself with my lack of knowledge, Am I going to to be able to keep up? Do I have the right kit? And as someone with social anxiety and bit of a lone wolf, how will I cope a weekend living in close quarters with a bunch of strangers. Fears, as I would discover, which were mostly shared with all of us in the academy.

The morning of the first day arrived, and although we weren’t due to arrive til 6pm, I took the day off, to shall we say mentally prepare. Tick off the errands, pack, and agitate over what might be instore. As an habitual planner, who meal preps a week in advance, the idea of not knowing what I’m going to be doing was hard to deal with. But I promised myself I’d go along with it.

When we arrived we were greeted by Siân, the leader of the academy, and we found our bunks and unpacked, as we awkwardly introduced ourselves and tried to suss each other out. After dinner we gathered in the communal area for some games. We were split into teams and instructed to gather some random items into a pillow case, knowing nothing about what they might be needed for. We came back and we were given situations and we had to pick one of our items and describe how it could be useful in said situation (outdoors related of course). We had to race other teams to the gong in the centre of the room, and hilarity ensued as we fought (literally!) for points by trying to explain away how a pillowcase could be used to keep yourself warm and dry in a rainstorm. This would set the tone for the rest of the weekend.

During the weekend we learnt everything from how to put up tents (after much trial and error!), what kit to take out on different types of walks, to discovering our own microadventures, and how to protect the nature we encounter on our walks. Throughout, the laughing didn’t stop. Whether it was overcoming our fears of bugs, or testing our outdoor knowledge around a night time fire pit, the supportive and fun atmosphere never waned, even after a night sleeping in tents. Any fears or reservations we have were soon put at ease by Siân, and the assistant leaders, Dagmar, Maureen and Natashja, who guided us every step of the way.

I can only speak for myself, but by the end I feel as a group we all felt more confident than ever about accessing the outdoors. For me personally, I had to somewhat recalibrate my mindset around the competitive side of the outdoors. As someone who likes to try and run before they can walk and is naturally competitive, I always want to push myself beyond my limits, sometimes forgetting to enjoy the journey along the way. It made me realise the outdoors can be anything you want it to be, from gardening and building homes for creatures in your backgarden, to climbing Everest. But above all, it should be enjoyable and accessible for everyone.

As we came to the final day and saying our goodbyes, it was an emotional moment. Many of us were hanging around after, not wanting it to end and trying to figure out a way to bottle the experience and carry it with us. Spending a weekend in the company of like-minded women, it was about the shared experience as much as anything else. I get the feeling most Love Her Wild events are like this, a community I’ll definitely be taking part in, and continuing to make my own small steps to reach my goals.